Tina's Journal

wow i havent updated in a long time. so schools about to start which sucks but im really looking forward to seeing people i havent seen in a really long time. my summer has been really fun...ive been able to relax but still go out n do things with people. i started working at the YMCA childwatch at the beginning of this summer and i love it there. the kids are so cute. there are only two kids there that i get fed up with cuz they trying to cheat when theyre playing a game n start fighting n so on. like in sorry, the purpose of the game is to get a stupid sorry card so u can bump someone off. but when i get that card i bump this one kid off n he starts crying n hes like thats not fair do it to him. im like its all part of them game n he keeps on whining n wouldnt shut up but after like 5 min. he just goes away...thankfully. ill also be able to continue to work during the school year on saturdays which is great. i also went to disney world n on the disney cruise which was sooo much fun. we went to the bahamas n disneys private island castaway cay....n i actually got a tan!!!and some sunburn but thats besides the point. n i also went to sea isle city with my dads side of the family. i havent been in awhile but i always have soo much fun there...sometimes i just feel out of place on my dads side of the family but those few days were just soo much fun n i actually felt like i belonged there? i dunno how to explain it. then this past weekend i went to OC for the weekend n we stayed with my dads friends who have a house on the bay. on the first day we went out on there boat n it was soo much fun. n we had lunch at this place called seacrets..it was soo cool there. once were all of leagal age were gonna need to go there cuz they have floats out in the bay n u sit on them n drink n eat stuff...it was soo cool. ive also kept busy with colorguard. camp was soo much fun...i cant remember the last time ive had that much fun. everyone got along well n we made ourselves look like idiots at times but we did it together so it was okay...lol. well...i hope all you guys are also having a great summer.


so here's my schedule:

1- English 10 Honors w/ Wright (Sonya n Bridget)

2- Modern World History Honors w/ Thomas

3- Psychology APGT w/ Blakeslee

4A- Algebra 2 w/ Schofield

4B- Band w/ Vanderbeek (Alex n Laura)

5- Spanish 4 Honors (Amanda n Alex)

6- Chemistry 1 (Amanda Alex Bridget n Laura M)

Please let me know if youre in any of my classes :)

so today i was feeling great...i mean schools over and all right? well then i got this horrible phone call. one of my really good friend's mother called and told me that its possible that my friend has cancer but they wont know for sure until thursday. im sooo scared for her, shes one of my greatest friends and shes one of those people that i can be myself around n dont have to question wether she things im annoying or wutever. shes only 14 years old n she doesnt deserve this in the least. im sooo upset, i dont know what to do. my mom said we could go visit this weekend but i feel like i should be there now but i cant cuz i have stupid finals. i just know for sure that right now is that ill be praying a lot for her and hoping God will come through for her, i know he will, he just has to. i know its one of the most curable diseases, but she would still have to go through 8 months of chemotherapy, which will still be a lot for her to go through. ugh, i hope everything gets better for her soon :(

wow...i havent updated in a loong time.

so this has been a looong week with hsas n all. on monday we had the english hsa which was easy n really stupid. one of my questions write about sumthing that changed that u didnt expect to change, so i wrote about sum of my friendships from middle school. so that was really easy to wrtie obviously. then tuesday was the gov hsa, it was okay i guess. i didnt know everything on it though, like wuts a mixed economy. so i wrote crap about how there r ppl from the upper middle n lower classes in one area, so thats a bunch of bs but i didnt no wut else to write. then wednesday was the geometry hsa which wasnt that bad at all. there was this proof n they gave us like one in a half pages to write it down n i used like a quarter of the first page to write the entire proof. so i dunno why they gave us so much space. n of course in english they watched 10 things i hate about you n thats a really good movie. thursday was the bio hsa n i think that one was the hardest for me cuz i couldnt remember sum of the processes.

ill write more later cuz i hafta get ready to go church now....

yeah so todays my birthday! im 16!!!

i think im gonna hafta make my journal friends only cuz i think sum ppl that i dont really want to see this have seen it. n sum of the stuff i put in here is really personal n i dont mind if u guys know but i think sumone i know saw my journal n i feel really bad. i believe this from an e-mail i got. n i feel really bad about the one journal entry i wrote cuz i love him n i just feel soo horrible. wut he said came out of the blue n made me have reason to believe that he saw this journal. so therefore im starting to rethink this whole journal thing. i should prolly be more general....just sumtimes u hafta write stuff down n that was one of those times. ugh...i feel so bad....

so i went to 10:30 mass with my mom today n while we were kneeling after we received communion, she looked kinda sad/serious. so i asked her wut was wrong cuz one other time she was praying for one of her friends n she got really upset. well u know wut she said? she said im praying for me to get through ur teenage years or sumthing like that. i couldnt believe she said that! well actually i can a little cuz its all in a result of last nite. me n michelle made plans to go to the dance recital at chs cuz tons of ppl were in it n michelle called me b4 we went n said that mike could drive us n stuff. well once i got off the phone i told my mom n she immediately started flipping out n crying. shes like i wont let u go with him, its a sat. nite n teenagers make stupid choices, we dont no how long hes had his liscense...the list goes on and on. my dad tried to calm her down n eventually she stopped crying, but unfortunately they still wouldnt let mike drive me at least, so michelles parents drove. later that nite, my dad justified why my mom reacted that way n it made a lot of sense, it just hit her all of sudden that i really am getting older n will be able to do more things...i guess. i understand that, but now she has to kind of roll with the punches ya know? i really dont want her to just start being over protective now. i guess this is when its good to have an older brother or sister cuz then ur parents have experienced this feeling or wutever u wanna call it before. it made me really mad cuz a lot of my friends will be getting their liscenses soon n will be able to drive. i just felt like theyll never let me get my liscense n stuff. after we got all that resolved the nite went really well. everyone did really great! my hightlight of the evening though was when the couple sitting next to us was like is the show over AFTER they did that dance n spelt out intermission. could neone be that oblivious to that? wutever, i thought it was funny. after the recital, me michelle mike claire rachel sonya n becca went to the double t diner n our first waitor ditched us so we got another one, so it was all good after we got another waitor. in the end, we were at double t diner for prolly 2 hours, but didnt get our food until we were already there for an hour. it was fun though. :)

I MADE COLORGUARD!!! yay...im soo excited. whenever i remember all of us looking at that list n seeing all of our #s, ill think of all us jumping up n down, saying omg repeatedly, n screaming. it was prolly one of the best moments ive had in a long time. yeah so that just made me really happy. :)

so today was the last day of colorguard tryouts...thankfully. i hafta say that flag routine was hard, harder than hard. it was soo hard, ppl in colorguard b4 even had trouble with it....thats goota say sumthing, ya no? well, i messed up a lot on the flag routine though when i was doing it in front of dr. v and that other lady who i dont think seems very nice. i mean i totally stopped and just smiled...it was horrible. but as long as u have good recovery and smile u should be good. but i dunno...everyones like dont worry u did good n ull make it. but r they saying that just to be nice n cheer me up or cuz they honestly think that. plus i know i did better b4 i tried out in front of dr. v n the other lady. wutever...wut happens happens. n i guess if i dont make it, its because its not in God's plan for me. ya know wut i mean? but i really do hope i make it! good job to everyone who tried out...u all did great!!!!

so lately ive been realizing i have a really bad poker face. i can give things away really easily. i wish i had a good poker face. i gave some stuff away at lunch the other day. so i prolly would lose like all my money if i ever played poker...so im not playing anytime soon. so yeah...sorry that was kinda random....

wow...i havent updated in awhile. i cant believe spring break is almost over, its going by soooo fast. i hope everyone is having a great one. i saw guess who the other day n it is really funny. i also saw ladder 49 n that movie is soo sad n makes u cry. its cool though cuz u sumtimes see clips of the inner harbor n u can be like, ive been there. so yesterday i had an interview for a camp for columbia association. i hope i get the job. i think i did okay during the interview. when she asked me to tell her about myself..i started off by saying i saw a sophomore n all that kinda stuff. i explained i played the flute n played soccer. but then i went completely blank. i was soo mad at myself...i forgot outdoor track (n i just had practice that morning!) n dance class. but wutever. i was nervous n did the best i could. i said um a good amount now that i think about it..so i dont think thats great. when we got back from my interview i got a letter from ymca saying thank you for applying for a job there. n so i got to pick the camps n clubs that most interested me n told them wut day i interviewed. but wut i dont understand is that the interview session is shown as a 4 hour time frame....that would be hell having a 4 hour interview. so i just hope thats around the time u could have ur interview. so if i do well at that interview maybe ill get that job. i have no idea which job ill be happier at though. but as long as i end up working at a summer camp ill be happy.

last nite i tried playing that drivers ed. game on the internet n i sucked a lot at it. if i had my liscence n drove nething like how i did on that game...u wouldnt wanna be on the roads cuz u would be killed. its like they would put up signs CAUTION: christinas on the road, get off now unless u want to die. well i know u cant relate actual driving to that game..but it just makes u think..i guess??

im soo mad at myself!!! i had meat for lunch today n todays friday...during lent. im so bad at remembering!!! but like becca said its not a sin if u truly forget n have meat but if u remember n still have meat then its a sin. neways track started tuesday...its been going okay. wednesday sucked for me though. we had to do steps (which im really bad at) then me being the idiot i am decided to go on a distant run w/ michelle n bailey n i went through hell doing that. so im definitely sticking w/ sprinting for now on. we should get pizza lot more after practice so maybe we can get more shortened pratice....that would be just great.so yeah.... i have a soccer game soon. i really hope we win. but knowing the team were playing is a travel team..i dont think our chances r very good. n im really sore from track which sucks. it even hurts when i sit down....i feel like such an old lady. wutever.


GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE IN THE STUDENT CHOREOGRAPHY SHOWCASE!!!!
^i wish i could go....

WE HAVE A 4 DAY WEEKEND!!!!

so yeah i definitely think i have the same cell phone # as sumone else cuz a week ago i got this voice mail message saying hi this is grandpa calling to say happy b-day....sry im a little late n asked how everyone was doing. n yeah he definitely didnt say my name n plus my b-day isnt until may. then today i got a voice mail message from a doctors office trying to reschedule an apt w/ sum person cuz of the "inclement weather". so i guess i should change my #...but im kinda too lazy to do that...

ive been getting sum letters from colleges too n i think thats cool. just the other day i got a poster that said i <3 York n stuff. so im really looking forward to college cuz ill be on my own n be able to have a new start. no one will know me so it doesnt matter wut u did or wut u were like in high school...ure just able to start all over. i cant wait till we have that kind of freedom....

right now ive been filling out applications for summer camps n im looking for more to apply for. i already filled out applications for howard county park and rec. and YMCA. but one place that looks really fun to work at is the trinity summer camp...so i hope they have job openings for more high schoolers. i went to trinity a long time ago with jamie n her pic was in the brochure for awhile....but not anymore. if u know of any other camps that hire high schools besides columbia association...plz let me know. thanx. :)

WHY DOES LIFE HAVE TO BE SO COMPLICATED??? when we were little all we cared about who had the best barbie doll or who had the best action figure or wutever. n we just went up to sumone n asked them if they wanted to be our friend and then went off to play. but NOW...u would never go up to sumone n be like do u wanna be my friend....n ur constantly judging ppl...i wish life would go back to the way it used to be when we were little cuz well...i guess...it was just so simple?

so this weekend has been a mix of ups and downs for me... my soccer team won our first playoff game so that was great and then saturday i went to the mall with rachel which was fun, so that got me out of my house thankfully...
my parents have been constantly yelling and nagging me all weekend n it makes me have a terrible attitude and on edge. just the littlest thing makes me upset and i start crying a little....i hate that cuz im usually not like that. ive asked my brother to give me a couple hugs and he has given me a couple willingly w/o giving a fight like he usually does. he prolly doesnt understand how much better those hugs made me feel and how much they meant to me. i mean...its just a little hug right?
n sumthing seems to be going wrong w/ one my friends. we used to get together all the time, but now we hardly ever get together. n my mom just keeps bringing it up which also makes me really upset. i thought this person and i were really good friends n all. but right now it doesnt even seem like this person cares about me. it seems like this person doesnt care and left me in the dust....if ya know wut i mean.

so im gonna try and get together with people i dont usually hang out with outside of school. this may seem like a weird thing to want "to try" to u. but its just calling sumone u never call that weirds me out. id rather talk to sumone on IM and make plans while IMing each other. theres tons of ppl i talk to at school but i just dont hang out with them outside of school, so im gonna start trying to "branch out" i guess u could say. i think thats the term my mom always uses. i wanna get together with more than just a couple of people and i think it would make me happier than i am right now....

so this weekend has been like a family weekend. on friday i went over my grandparents house n then i went to the hospital with them to visit my aunt mary. she has improved a lot n shes finally out of the icu, which is a very good thing. they think she had a minor heart attack though....

then yesterday i had soccer and we lost but it was really good game. i visited my aunt mary again and then we went over my grandparents house to celebrate my grandmas and aunt lauries birthdays. sadly, my uncle rob wasnt there....

dont EVER mess up ur life like my uncle has. hes 34 years old and prolly more immature than us. dont do drugs, dont drink, pay off ur credit card bills, and pay for the apartment ur renting so u dont get kicked out. my uncle has prolly done all those things. u can never rely on him to be at family get together. he was in my life when i was really young n then he disppeared n then he came back into my life a little when i was like 12 years old. he was trying to get his life back together by joining the army n going to boot camp n stuff. unfortunately, he couldnt do wut he wanted to do after boot camp cuz of the things he has done in the past. so a few months after he got out of the army....he disappeared again. n then we started getting calls from credit card companies about him not paying off the bills n stuff. then eventually he got kicked out of his apartment. so then he started living w/ my grandparents for awhile n got his life back together. he got a good job and he has a really great gf, well theyve been going out for a looong time now. i think they should get married, i think she would be very good for him, but why would she want to marry sumone who is as unstable as my uncle. just recently he moved into his own apartment, which i dont think was a good thing. cuz guess wut...big surprise...he didnt show up at my grandparents house yesterday. n he told them he would be late! so he should of at least come late. hes just a constant disppointment to our family...especially me. hes my godfather n all so he should be there n hes sumone i could potentially live with if sumthing horrible happens n my parents die. my mom brought up a couple years of changing who my godfather is. right now im seriously considering it. i think my uncle dave would be a much better godfather (his wife is my godmother) for many reasons. for one hes responsible. i always seem to get my hopes up when my uncle rob comes back into our lives cuz i think once hes here hes here to stay n will be at all our family things. but he heres one minute n gone the next. it just makes me sad and mad at the same time. sad cuz i wanna see him n mad cuz hes not showing up n hurting us so badly. its starting to be hard to treat him with all the respect i have been cuz it doesnt seem like hes respecting us that much...is he?

i dunno...i hope things get straightened out....

remember DONT mess up ur life like my uncle or else youll be constantly kicked out of the apartment ur renting n having to live w/ ur parents at 34. i know for fact that u wouldnt want to live with ur parents at 34 cuz...well...thats embarrassing. at least i think so.

so about a year ago my aunt who is about 83 years old and had stroke...shes never been the same since. she has to go around in a wheel chair n she used to hardly be able to lift up her arms n legs. eventually she got her strength up but u could tell that shes slowly giving up more and more on life. she told my grandad that she saw my uncle archie (her husband who past away when i was like 6) waiting for her in heaven...i dunno but that kinda freaks me out. so sunday nite my grandma called n told us that she went back into the hospital cuz she was having trouble breathing. well she had to get a blood transfusion n theyve been doing tests these last couple days. unfortunately things arent looking good. my grandma says that she looks horrible n can barely talk above a whisper. i have this really bad feeling that shes going to pass away soon...which is very very bad. i need to see her at least one more time before she does. i mean the last time i saw her was christmas n that was a couple months ago...I NEED TO SEE HER...i just have to. michelle n becca asked me earlier if i was close w/ her..n i dont exactly know how to answer that question. i mean how close can u be with an 83 year old. but i do know that i love her very much n she loves me n thats wut counts. ill miss her very much when she passes away. im probably jumping to conclusions...but like i said things arnet looking good. this may sound mean or bad...but im trying to prepare myself for when it happens so i wont be shocked n become really depressed when it actually happens. i know ill definitely be sad n ill prolly cry...but thats okay. i know everybody has to die at some point n maybe this is my aunts time. but why does it have to be???? this is gonna sound selfish...but why cant she wait a couple more years...it just seems too soon, so she can see me graduate from high school or sumthing. plus my couin allie is only 6 n my brother scott is only 7 so they wont have any significant memory of them....i know i will though. ill remember going over her house when i was really young. n we would play restaurant n i would have my own tip bowl at their house n i would be able to take the change home. n i would always watch cooking shows w/ her. n she would always pinch my cheeks n say sumthing...maybe "coochie coochie coo"..i dunno...it might of been in italian...but sumthing along those lines. i have soo many memories of her n i hope my brother n cousin will remember her..ill tell them stories if i have to.

so yeah im determined to go see her this week.i dunno wut ill do or wut ill say but i know i hafta see her. it will be kinda scary seeing her in the hospital...at least i think it will be. i hope sum miracle happens n she becomes ALL better. that would be great n make me really really happy!

besides that things r going pretty well in my life...i have lots of stuff to look forward to..like half day on thursday n no school on friday! n then im going on the disney cruise this summer n IM SO EXCITED!!!!

yeah so sorry for writing all that but i just needed to say all those things....wether u read it or not..it doesnt really matter to me cuz it just felt good letting it all out...

so this morning i had solo n ensemble. i had to wake up at 7:30 just for that! i ended up getting a 2...i guess thats good....it would of been nice to get a one though... then my mom took me to starbucks n i got a white mocha...which is really good.

then i went to my soccer game at hcc. n ONLY 3 PPL showed up...including me. so we had to play the whole game indoor...which is really fast paced. i got hit really hard in the face near the beginning of the second half which really hurt. n unfortunately i started to cry...i was just such a mess but then i went back in n i was fine. on the bright side...WE WON!!! 7-5. i only scored one of those points, sam scored a couple pts.,n erin scored the most amount of pts. so....i was wondering if anyone would like to play at our soccer game next saturday n possibly the week after....u can also join the outdoor team if u would like. leave a comment if u would like to n ill give u all the details. U DONT HAFTA BE GOOD!!!!!! if u enjoy playing soccer then plz plz plz help us out. as u can see im kinda desperate cuz i definitely dont wanna play another game like this one...even though we won....

soo we're in english rite now n i dont feel like looking up lucille ball nemore cuz i got enough yesterday. n michelle told me i should update so im gonna update. so ive been getting my signatures for next years schedule n i finally figured out wut im gonna take....

spanish 4 honors
algebra 2
english 11 honors
world history honors
concert band
psychology ap
chemistry

so i really will only have one bs class next year..which is band but wutever.
dr. v put me on stand by for wind ensemble...im third on the list. alex is first n unum is second. i hope i get in so i can go on the trips like to ravens stadium n miss america parade n stuff like that. i was pretty pleased that im on stand by but of course my parents were all disappointed in me cuz they dont think i practice enough n i should definitely be in wind ensemble next year..so wut ever. ill prove to them that i can get into wind ensemble even if im on stand by.

yeah...so im really bored. so i just decided to put this thing in here. if u feel like doing it--then go rite ahead...

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do/did you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I were cooler?
15. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
16. Am I loveable?
17. How long have you known me?
18. Describe me in one word.
19. What was your first impression?
20. Do you still think that way about me now that you know me?
21. What do you think my weakness is?
22. Do you think I'll get married?
23. What makes me happy?
24. What makes me sad?
25. What reminds you of me?
26. If you could give me anything what would it be?
27. How well do you know me?
28. When's the last time you saw me?
29. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
30. Do you think I could kill someone?
31. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
32. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
33. Would you go out on a date with me?
34. Are you going to put this on your xanga and see what I say about you?

What Would You Do If...
I cried?
Died right now?
Told you I like you?
Kissed you?
Was hospitalized?
Ran away from home?
Got into a fight and you were there?
Did something you could never forgive me for?

What Do You Think Of My...
Personality?
Eyes?
Hair?
Clothes?
Voice?
Humor?
Mannerisms?
Friends?
Decisions?

Would You...
Tell me the truth no matter what?
Lie to make me feel better?
Keep a secret if I told you one?
Take a bullet for me?
Keep in touch?


well i hope everyone had a good long weekend....it was nice since i had no hw so i could just relax n i didnt hafta worry about midterms anymore. i can't believe its snowing.....again.

so this weekend ive been basically focusing on midterms the whole. on saturday i had an inoor soccer game at hcc n we lost by like 12 points....horrible, i know. but see the team was a travel team n were a B team n katrina vorce was on the other team n shes like a starter on chs varsity soccer. so yeah i studied when i got back n i studied all day yesterday. today i went to barnes n noble w/ michelle becca n carrie to study...which was fun. we study for the entire 3 hours we were together but we still studied. well we kinda walked to unos to get lunch after an hour...so yeah. we split appetizers n stuff. n the waitor saw that we had index cards n asked if were studying for tests. n we were like...yeah for midterms. n he was was high school or college? n i was like what the heck? do u actually think were in college? i mean ppl still try to give me kids menus at restaurants sumtimes. oh yeah n i saw mr. dugan there...that was weird...he was my 4th grade teacher. so the more i think about midterms the more i start to worry n start to panick that i havent studied enough. well i hope they go well....thhis kinda decides wether i get my drivers license or not when im 16. good luck to everyone on their midterms...



im trying to figure out if i should do sprinting or long distance for track but i cant figure out which one i think i would be better at. which one do u think i should do?

yesterday i had my first indoor soccer game at hcc n it was really fun. its really different from outdoor soccer cuz its sooo intense n its continuous running the whole game. n since i havent played for like 2 months i wasnt in the best shape. so my chest hurt really bad...i felt like i swallowing blood...it was horrible. it kinda felt like was going to die....i felt so bad. well i finally came n walked slowly out in the hallways n i was feeling a little better. in the second it wasnt as bad thankfully...but i still had a little of that feeling left. that night i went to red robin for dinner w/ my mom and brother...n the stupid waitress gave me a kids cup. it just makes me mad that sumtimes i still get kids cup when i go out w/ my family...well it hasnt happened in like a yr. or two. i mean im 15 years old...y cant they tell. i mean the ppl i actually wanna guess my age wrong so i can get a prize get it exactly right n lots of other ppl get my age right too....so its beyond me. it just pisses me off....

i havent been able to get on the computer in awhile cuz stuff was wrong w/ it n a couple days ago it just stopped working...we would click on sumthing n then the screen would go blank. so we had sumone from computer geeks or wutever come out to look at it. so it turns out that there were OVER 50 viruses on our computer...can u believe that...OVER 50!!! n then there was tons of spyware on our computer..so tons of ppl were hacked into our computer and tracking wutever we were doing. so thats not good.

well the pressure and stress of midterms and the end of second quarter is starting to get to me. im worrying about all the studying i have to do and checking to make sure all my grades are below a B for report cards. i havent had the best 2nd quarter at all. i just hope 3rd and 4th quarter go better. well yesterday when i was walking down the hallway mrs. senisi and mrs. grimes room (first "hosiptal hallway") everyone started coughing, including me cuz of this smell i think or sumthing...it was really weird. in government we got assigned groups to work on this stupid project about political parties. me being the lucky one i am....i get the stupid green party which has like no information on it. so that sucked. we had to ocme up w/ a song/poem/rap thing about our political party. so we did ours to the song in remember the titans....we are the titans the mighty mighty titans. so we did we are the green party the mighty mighty green party and ppl wanna know.....so on so fourth. yeah its pretty stupid but wut do expect from a song about the green party. thank goodness mrs. dodd is a really easy grader.